Is that really me in the mirror?

Your body will can do almost anything.  It's your mind you have to convince.  Your brain is going to tell you that you can't do those exercises, it's going to tell you that you really do want to eat that piece of cake.  Don't listen to it.  When it comes to exercises what you have to listen to is your body.  Your body will tell you what it's ready for.  Just because you can't do jumping jacks or burpees right now doesn't mean that you won't be able to later on.  That's why there are modified exercises.  To help you build up strength and be able to do them properly.  When I first started there was a lot my body couldn't do but I could do modified exercises.  For instance push ups.  I couldn't do them on my toes.  In fact I actually started doing them against the wall.  After building some upper body strength I was able to do them on knees.  Now I can do push ups on my toes.  Maybe not perfectly yet but I'm working on it.  You have to push yourself a little bit each day, don't rely on modified exercises.   Listen to your body not your head.  I know that when I'm working out, and those of you that join me at the gym know this, I'm pretty quiet during the reps.  But inside my head, with every rep I tell myself, "You can do this,  I know you can.  Don't you dare give up."  And when I feel like I can't go on I say to myself,  "Just one more."  

Although changing your mentality may be the biggest hurdle.  It's something that I still struggle with it.  In my mind I'm still that 280 pound person from a year ago.  When my clothes starting getting too big for me begrudgingly I had to buying new ones.  Naturally I gravitated to the bigger sizes.  Women's sizes, it's where I had shopped for years and years.  Even in high school I was wearing 1X and at my very heaviest I was wearing 2X shirts and 3X bottoms.  So I thought those were still my sizes.  Boy was I shocked when I went to the dressing room and they were too big.  Even after I got out of the women's sizes, I still have a very hard time believing what the tags on the clothes say.  There are times when I'm folding laundry and I don't believe those are really my clothes.  Last week when I was getting my official gym instructor shirt and was asked what size S or M, surely she was asking someone else I mean me S or M....really?  I took the M of course.

My husband thinks it's kinda funny that I look at myself in the mirror so much.  And I admit that I do, a lot.  But what he may not understand is that I'm not looking at myself and thinking, "Oh yeah I'm so hot.  WOW, I look so good." I'm standing there thinking, is that really me?  Is that my face?  Is that my body?   No way.  I feel my hands touching my face but it's still sinking in that this is how I look.  There are very little pictures of me at that 280 pound weight.  I hated taking pictures.  Now I don't mind.  And I take a lot of selfies.  My mom, who has never like to take pictures, asked me why.  And why post them on Facebook?  There's a lot of reasons. I'm proud of myself.  But at the same time I need that confirmation from my peers.  And maybe I need people to see me the way I am now.  I actually had one lady who I worked with for a long time, and although it was years ago, not even recognize me.

You don't know how you look to someone else.  I will never forget how people used to stare at me at the store or whenever I was out in public.  I remember once when we were at a restaurant and a little girl pointed out how HUGE my legs were.  My daughter got so mad.  And the little girl kept telling her mom, "But look her legs are so BIG."  And her mom said to her, "I know, hush."  I think it upset my daughter more that it upset me.  I was used to being stared at.  Now that I lost the weight.  People don't stare at me like that any more.  I get treated so differently.  I get treated like I'm an actual person.  It's kind of sad actually to think that it's still OK to point and snicker at overweight people.  Looking out of my eyes the world is the same.  I see everything the same as before.  I don't know how I look to others.  But hopefully I look much healthier and happier, moreover I really and truly hope that I can inspire people with my journey.  Because if I can take control of my mind and my health then so can YOU!